“…..What if you don’t believe in love…..?”
“I don’t believe in fairytales. I am not a princess of anyone. I don’t believe in happy endings. I don’t believe in love”…
These are the thoughts I have in mind every time my friend’s telling me of her happy condition of being in love. Maybe because as I observe, many couples end up hurting each other and I get to used to the idea of hating that kind of feeling because we will end up with nothing, only hurting each other.
I have a lot of friends. But only girl friends. Because I don’t want to get close with the boys because of the tendency of falling and hurting at the end.
That’s why, guys find me so cranky, so mean. but I don’t mean it really. I just want to draw a line between us to avoid the feeling of being upset. In my mind however, I thought, how should I know if I got upset when in fact, I don’t let the instance of getting it.? So odd.
“…..Then someone teaches you how……”
I’m all by myself. Waiting for my next class. I’m sitting in front of the classroom, staring at the people inside and waiting for them to be dismissed. Until I notice someone’s staring at me. I felt so conscious but still I manage not to care. And then he stepped at me… “hi.!” I’m paul. And you are.?
I didn’t say a thing. I just pretend I don’t hear him. And then he sat next to me. He asked my name wickedly and did not give up until I response. “ano ba.? Ang kulit mo huh.?..
But that nasty answer of mine open the door for us to get to know each other. He’s so different from other guys. He’s not pushy. He’s so nice to be with and so easy to get along with. He teaches me what real love is and perhaps, let me feel even just a little definition of it.
“believe that real love happens. In any situation. To any person. At any time.” ,he said.
He’s like a fairytale come true. He’s my long-wait prince. He’s so good to me. It is to him, where I can finally see my happy ending.
My girl friends wonder for me since then. I, who always say bad things to boys. I, who don’t let boys talk to me and even hate it when they caught a glimpse of me. They start asking me why, how, and who is that guy who made me different. I just prefer to say “maybe, he’s just the guy I’m waiting for.”
“….But what if he’s not suppose to love you….?”
“Hi paul.! Sama ulit tayo mamaya huh.?”
“Mei gagawin pqu ee. Nextym nlang.”
I really don’t know what’s the cause of his behavior. And continue asking.
“what’s wrong.? mei problema kaba.?”
We had a chance to talk later that afternoon after our class. We were so quiet. No words coming out of our mouth. So silent that if I’ll let it continue, I will just cry without the reason why should I. So I decided to break the silence.
“thank you for teaching me how to love. Thank you for showing me what real love is. And thank you for letting me experience it’s real definition. And It’s when I’m with you. It’s all because of you..”
“Now what can you say huh.?”
“Oh well, I don’t know if I should get flattered or what. But maybe because I’m just a good teacher, yeah.?”
I laugh. “Kapal mo huh.?”
And he laughs back.
“You did came just in time. I fell in love with you exactly the way how you show me what real love is. Now, I’m ready. I’m ready with you.”
“mitch, the first time I saw you, I said to myself that this girl is lack of attention, affection and care just like me. That’s why the way she sees love is as terrible as being trapped into a dark room. So scared to see the world of her own. So scared being all by herself.
“I wan’t to care for you because I think you need to have someone to. But mitch, I didn’t know that all the good things I’ve shown you will end up to this. I know it’s hard. But let’s both accept the fact, that I just came to rescue you. That I just came,…”
“No. stop it. I don’t want to hear it. I already know. I’m also sorry..
And the last words that I heard from him before he finally turns his back from me is..
“…..only to teach you…..”