Sunday, July 4, 2010

Yet so far,

Being fresh to college life was that quite intimidating to me. First, I’d meet different personalities, adapt more pressured environment, meet a lot of stressful course demands, and be under “terror” teachers. Last but not the least, expect the unexpected.

I never thought that after being quiet single for almost three years, I would be able to meet a guy whom can I express my apathy and who can accept my flaws up to now. Well, lets say, not he, solitarily show that I’m special.

At first, I’m hesitant to accept his love because it would only mean another painful hurt, another must-obligation, another headache. Yeah. Things get rough at the moment. I even gave up almost, but he saved me. I never thought we would make things better back again.

We’ve gone so far, and I can attest that the road we take was not even. We often times had cold fights *jealousy*. But I admire his determination that he won’t be the OLD he and that he would continue to fight for me.

That FIGHT was over. We are happy together now, happy as what we imagine. No worries of might being caught. No sad countenance of not being expressed our feelings each time. No cries after pretending we don’t care with each other, and no more jealousy after covering the thing between us.

I feel lucky, yet decanted. First, lucky because he really proved what he promised. Decanted because I know I’m the reason of his defeat. *blameless* yet, whenever the latter bothers me in despair, he’s just one baby step away from me. He would always let me see the beauty of being whitewashed. As what he’s always telling me, “I may not feel good of being no part anymore of what I believe is good for me, but let me assure u that I wont ever regret of choosing you more than any GOOD thing I have, for you are already my BEST”…

Yet, most of the time, I unintentionally hurt his feelings. I say awful words of like being left by me someday. But deep inside of my fearful heart, he doesn’t know, is the anxiety whenever I recall the past. I know it would be too hard for me to truly believe, and it would also be hard for him to make me so. But as what they say, “keep in sustaining what is needed then everything will follow.” I hope u can sustain the love you wanna prove until forever, then I will finally trust you without any confusions.

- You said you would do so right? You’re always reminding me of that. You even get mad when I don’t yes-nod. ^^,

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